Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The 45th Day @ 3:20 PM
The ones that are closet to you are the ones that can and will hurt you the most...
Why is it that we can remember the bad memories so easily, and yet the good memories never come to mind...
I was a total asshole today...
I really didn't want to type vulgar words on my blog... but i can't find any other word to describe my attitude today...
Seriously was a total ass in school...
I totally pissed my physics teacher off..
And totally ignored my friends...
But i just can't think straight...
There is just too many pains i'm feeling...
I wrote about myself wanting to go for the videography thing before..
And i thought i had gotten over the fact that i can't go...
But i thought of it again today... and i just feel so strained knowing that this course is a perfect opportunity for me to do so many things.. And i didn't get in all because i was on duty...
And it doesn't help that my best friends are in the course...
Nigel was repeatedly talking about it today...
I had actually felt a little better during recess..
But when he mentioned the course, my heart just sank...
Not to mentioned i also realised that I'm not a special person at all...
I SUCK at my studies now...
Failed ALL my tests so far..
I also SUCK at AVA.. I may act like i know a lot but the fact is there is still many stuff i don't know about...
I SUCK at being a KOR...
I SUCK worse at being a son...
I SUCK at being a friend
I REALLY SUCK at controlling my emotions..
I SUCK at sports... I may look like i have good stamina but the truth is that there are MANY people out there better than me....
I SUCK at being a christian..
I SUCK at choosing presents...
I'm NOT as caring as some people say i am..
You can try naming ANYTHING in the world..
But out there somewhere, there is defiantly someone better than me..
All these stuff nearly pushed me pass the point of tears in school...
But i just couldn't feel anything anymore...
My heart has just been stabbed so many times that it has went numb to everything...
I really don't feel like going to school...
Schooling just makes all my pains increase...
