Friday, February 26, 2010
The 54th Day @ 5:42 PM
Well... I can finally say that I'm feeling better...
Forcing myself to accept A LOT of stuff...
And although it hurts, I feel that its worth it...
Cause as long as the people around you me are happy I'll be happy :D
I think its high time i started life afresh...
Through the past few days, i came to realise Quite a lot of stuff....
I am scared of being ignored..
I am scared of being hated by my friends..
I am scared of not having anyone to share my problems with..
I am scared of being uncared for and unloved...
Basically... I learnt what my greatest fear is..
And that is..
I'm scared of being alone...
And this fear is what makes me feel emo...
It was cause i wanted people to comfort me..
To give me their attention...
To care for me...
It's kinda embarassing to say this...
But its a fact..
And I'm going to change...
Although I might still emo..
It won't be for attention anymore..
It will be when I'm truly upset...
And I have a feeling that this 'emo' feeling is going to loom around me..
At least for a few weeks...
Plus i learnt that I'm stupid, and an idoit...
I don't think through my actions before i do them...
But i don't mind being an idoit...
Or a moron..
Cause it's this stupidity that allows me to care for others..
It allows me to do anything for a friend...
And now.. It helps me to care without expecting anything back..
So being stupid is not all that bad...
Cause I want to be a fool for Christ..
A fool that cares for those without friends..
A fool that is willing to go all out for people he doesn't know..
A fool that will help out people regardless of embarassment
A fool that is able to make people laugh..
And a fool that comfort those in need despite his own difficult circumstances...
To Dohy:
Maybe you won't read this, but I'm writing it anyway...
I'm sorry for being a pest..
And I'm sorry for irritating you..
But i really don't want to lose you as a friend..
You have all the right to be angry.. and all the right to hate me..
But I just really want to apologize...
And i may be asking for the imposible, but can we start over afresh?..
Restart our friendship...
I will change.. That i can promise..
Will you give me another chance?...
You can reject if you want.. Just as long as you're happy, I'm fine with it...
To LM:
Mei, I really want to Thank you from the bottom of my heart...
You were always there for me..
And you gave me advice that is helping me to change for the better..
We do think diffrently,
But despite that, i will learn to put myself in other people's shoes..
And although we might not be close now..
I hope someday, I'll be able to be always there for you..
To be your comforter when you need me...
And i say it again..
Thanks a lot for everything..
To Amanduhloo!:
I'm sorry for caring so much again..
But you seemed really upset recently...
I want to be your listening ears again..
To cheer you up when you're down..
To give you strength and encouragement when you feel at your weakest...
To encourage you in your spiritual walk..
And to help you to stay happy regardless of your problems in life..
I know that maybe you've grown closer to other people in the CG..
But i want you to know that I'll always be there for you if you need me..
To walk you home when you feel lonely..
Sorry again... Can we start over?..
