Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The 102nd Day @ 4:50 PM
I said i wanted to change my life..
And it did..
Just for the worse.. ><.
The day was basically just screwed up ><..
I may not seem like it,
But I'm really really upset..
My physical and outward appearance may seem fine..
But the fact is, I'm not..
My feelings are totally screwing up my mental state..
My standard in school has dropped and is dropping SERIOUSLY ><..
Reached school at 6.30 as usual.. (Tuesday- School starts at 9.20)
Had to set up the hall at 7..
Had a heated talk with one of my AVA friends..
All because he claims that i called him yesterday at 1.45..
And when i checked my call log, NOTHING?..
And 1.45.. I was still in class? ><..
WTH?..
Got some leftovers from the teacher's buffet breakfast..
Also, Mr Goh told me that on Sat, there's some Red Cross thing..
Full day AVA from 8am to 5pm?..
But i have CG..
So I'm leaving early i guess.. ><
Have to come up with the duty roster though..
Went back to class slightly late at about 9.25..
Math was first period..
Got a warning from my teacher that if i failed Mid-Year Math,
He would MAKE me drop A-Math? ><..
Haiz..
But i guess.. Its my own fault..
Always does my math homework half-way and always don't hand up.. ><..
After Math was Physics..
Well..
Physics was..
Different?..
Just can't seem to figure out why..
After that was Bio..
Miss Chin brought in the roses we experimented on yesterday..
Of all the flowers..
It HAD to be roses ><..
Had recess after that..
Totally didn't have any appetite at all.. ><..
Was talking to Joshua the whole time about school-related stuff..
He's a great friend..
Just can't really convey my thoughts to him..
Chemistry was right after recess..
Had a test..
Totally screwed up one or two questions..
I can't believe i wrote that Methane is LIQUID?!? ><
You can see I'm not thinking straight..
Come to think of it..
I'm thinking a lot less about what I'm doing nowadays...
And another thing..
Had to hand up worksheet..
The whole class handed up EXCEPT ME?.. ><..
I mean.. I HEARD her say to hand it up..
Just that i didn't?..
Cause i was using what i wrote on the back of the paper as reference..
Then had MT..
TEST..
On formal letter-writing format..
Totally screwed up on that too..
I must be blind or something..
I actually used an OBVIOUSLY wrong SURNAME.. ><..
As in.. I used 用 as the surname?
The actual surname to be used was 王 (My OWN ｓｕｒｎａｍｅ？）
And i read the thing like what..
4 times?
And i still wrote the surname wrong ><.. WTH?..
Lastly had History..
I think Mr Henry has marked me or something..
Cause he kept looking in my direction..
And whenever he sees me now,
He'll asks if I'm okay? ><..
Didn't read what he wanted us to read..
And i actually did the homework on the WRONG TOPIC? ><..
So yeah..
After class, Went to canteen to eat..
And stained my friends shirt cause i was playing with a bottle ><..
And wasted time in school?
Walking to and fro for absolutely NO REASON..
Wanted to play ball with a friend..
But after he was done..
He wanted to play BBALL? ><..
But then again.. He didn't specifically say he wants to play ball with me..
Okay.. So i looked up..
Sun was blaring.. SUPER BRIGHT OUT..
So i decided to go home.. Since i didn't have anything else to do anyways..
Walking home..
I did NOT want to get wet..
But it actually started RAINING?.
And it was still sunny? ><..
To add,
On my way home..
A saw a couple making-out at some corner under the void decks..
WTH?!? ><..
Reached home..
House was TOTALLY empty? ><..
And i my body felt WARM.. Like i had a fever?..
Well..
With all that said..
I'm sure everyone reading this has your own problems, troubles, worries and uncertainties...
And i apologize cause i wasn't taking that into consideration while writing..
I just can't share with those i want to anymore..
And doesn't feel comfortable enough to share with those who want to listen..
Its not anyone's fault or anything..
I feel comfortable with ALL my friends..
Just that..
There's something holding me back..
Haiz..
I guess i should start jogging again..
It might help to relieve some stress..
But it keeps raining day after day..
Jog through puddles of water?
Out there.. I'm sure there are many people..
Who are going through much worse then me..
So I've firmly decided..
I going to let my 'soft' side show..
The part of me that always tries to help..
Regardless of circumstances..
Not sure if i can do that.. But going to give it a shot..
I remember this quote from somewhere..
"I've built a wall around my heart..
Not to keep people out,
But to see who cares enough to break through."
I've yet to see tomorrow :X
Going to try harder..
Who knows?
Something good might happen..
I'm fast..
Not just running..
Not just writing ..
Not just learning..
But..
More importantly,
I'm fast..
At jumping to conclusions,
At rushing into relationships (Not romantically speaking)
At carrying out my actions without proper thoughts..
It's high time i installed a brake on myself :D
Not to stop myself completely,
But to slow myself down :X
Feels quite relaxed..
After talking to my mum..
Although what we talked about has nothing to do with my current issues..
Its just relaxing..
Since i rarely talk to her recently..
Not sure how long these smiles will last..
But I'm going to cherish every second of it..
Even though I'm still upset inside..
Guess I'm going to be up quite late today..
Has to get my thoughts in place..
Or else, I'll never put anything i say into actions..
At the end of the day,
Its not about how happy i was during the day..
Or how much i smiled..
Rather,
Its how many people I've made smile..
Its how many people I've cheered up..
And the number of people whom I've helped..
