Thursday, April 15, 2010
The 97th Day @ 6:52 PM
Haiz...
What can i say.. Today was full of sadness..
But at the same time..
It was happy too :D
Hahas.. I think the sadness I've bottled up over the short span of a few weeks
Is finally getting to me...
But i want to smile..
That why I'm posting this..
Cause letting it out well make me feel better :X
I hope.. ><
Well..
Made myself seem like a total fool..
Was mocked at..
Was laughed at.. ><..
Haiz..
Well.. It started right after the Math test i guess..
Don't get me wrong..
I found the paper pretty okay..
I just felt upset after the paper...
Well, the sadness wasn't caused by anything in particular at this point in time..
I just felt sad... ><..
Well.. Right after the paper was recess,
So yeah.. Sat next to this recycling booth near the staircase..
It was the 'usual spot' for me and my friends..
But most of the space was taken up by the booth..
So i just sat in the empty space there..
Ever hear someone saying something WRONG but it turns out affecting you?..
Well, there was this teacher..
While walking past me he asked me
"Is that you?"
Let me phrase what he was ACTUALLY ASKING
"Are you the one running the booth?"
But then again..
The question he asked..
"Is that you?"
Really made me feel something..
It was true.. I wasn't me..
So yeah..
Wasn't thinking straight after that..
Wondered to the patch of grass between the blocks..
At the place where the staircase is..
And just sat down.. Under the hot sun..
Don't know what i was thinking..
But i just 'knocked out?'
I heard guy mocking me..
"Emo boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, EMOOOOOO BOYYYYYY" Blah blah blah..
I didn't do anything..
Cause at the point in time,
I did feel emo..
I don't know.. Just can't keep on smiling all the time when I'm breaking inside..
Was 'woken up' by my History teacher..
Got the usual "Are you okay?"
And of course, i replied "yeah"..
Sorry to say, that was a lie..
Well, It was physics lesson..
Felt a little drained..
Stoned through the lesson..
Then went for MT..
The thing about when I'm emo,
I concentrate better..
And i focus easier..
So yeah.. Managed to finish the Chinese informal letter before the period ended..
Then had HISTORY..
First thing the teacher said on entering into class
"You okay or not?"
Then he went on to 'mock' me?..
Well i know it was a joke..
But still...
What i told him when he asked why i wasn't smiling.. (Cause i normally smile while setting up the visualizer)
My reply was "I don't know.. Its just.. Sometimes you really want to smile but just can't smile luh.."
Haha..
Was called out of class to have a talk with him..
Well.. I know he cares..
But how do you expect me to share with him? ><..
Went back to class after that for SL..
Well.. here comes the happy bit..
I have to say though, I feel so vulnerable to my Meis ><..
In a sense that, when they talk to me.. I can't help but cheer up?..
It was nice to know they cared :D
So yeah.. Skipped lunch and SL started..
First thing i did was to call TOUCH community service (The center my group planned to work with)
Well, I called them yesterday too..
So it felt less formal..
Called and got good news..
Tentatively, it was a YES with working with them..
But we just had to tweak the proposal a bit and get the budge,transport, etc. done..
We back into class only to find out that the deadline for us to carry out the project was next week?..
Teacher made the decision that we drop the TOUCH community..
But we could do it as a CLASS project at the end of the year...
And work with the other group..
Well.. I really didn't want to give up on the project..
Seriously..
I didn't care if i had to stay up till 3 everyday..
As long as we could get it done..
But i didn't have all the details..
I haven't even read the proposal even once? ><..
So I had to cancel the project with TOUCH..
It hurt to make that call...
I made the call just yesterday to ask if we could work with them..
And called them less than an hour ago to re-confirm the project..
And now we were dropping it? ><..
WTH?..
Plus, I had to make the call of all people..
I wasted her (TOUCH manager) time..
I wasted my own time..
Everything was just a flop?..
Started working on 'plan B'
But i just couldn't do anything..
My mind just wandered off to infinity..
All the weird thoughts flooded my mind...
Yet again, the environment was shedding my tears for me...
I went out bent over the railings and let the rain wash away my pains..
Diana came out to ask me if i was okay..
Talking to her, I can truthfully say..
Actually, talking to either one of them,
I can't say that i don't feel okay..
Cause they make me feel a whole lot better just by their smile :D
SL ended..
And things were still a little down in the pits..
This time, Lim Min came out when i was soaking in the rain..
Well.. I felt a lot better then..
Went downstairs and soaked a final time :D
Allowing the rain to wash away everything :D
I felt better..
But again..
I don't use my head.. ><..
I just know i made a huge blunder..
But i didn't think about it..
Haiz.. Still..
Those two girls..
Really make me cheer up, whatever the circumstance.. :D
My church friends used to be able to do that to..
Until school started.. And we drifted apart slightly..
Well.. Can't say i feel GREAT now..
But its feels good to get all this off my chest..
I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad..
Just writing down what i feel..
Oh well.. I can finally smile truthfully now.. :D
But i still feel tired..
All i have left to say is Thanks..
To everyone who tags,
To everyone who reads,
To everyone who cares :D
And to Diana and Lim Min :D
The rain washes away my pains..
But it'll take acid to wash away my happy memories :D
Cause these memories are engraved deep within my heart :D
And everyone i know,
Has a piece of this puzzle of memories :D
Smile :D For sadness is but a small part of you,
A bigger part of you is full of happiness and cheerfulness :D
Live life the best you can :D
