Friday, April 16, 2010
The 98th Day @ 3:58 PM
Uh.. So upset..
Everything seems to be going against me..
Sorry..
I jumped to conculsions..
I misunderstood..
I just really want to be there for you..
But i just don't get the feeling that you trust me..
Maybe I'm just untrustable?...
Haiz..
Remember what i said about dropping TOUCH?..
Well.. I called MINDS earlier..
And the Vice-Principal wasn't in..
He called at 2.40..
And told me that he couldn't get another time slot for us...
The other group's time slot was 'sqeezed' out..
And he really couldn't get another slot..
I didn't know what to do..
I smsed my form teacher..
She said to go ealier on the same day as the other group..
But the kids have a short attention span?..
The other group only has 2 hours..
And we can't get them any longer than that...
Now she tells me to enjoy my weekends?
Dicuss on Monday?..
And we have to get the project done by NEXT Saturday?..
So.. Say we figure out something on Monday..
We only have 5 days?..
And MYE is coming up..
Plus, I've decieded to join my church's Yalpha main committee..
I really want to serve..
But is my body going to be able to hold out?..
Also, today, the UG have their Masters parade?..
So they needed a mic + speaker at 3pm right?..
I was in school..
And at 3, I didn't get any word from my Teacher-In-Charge?..
I saw the speaker there..
But i didn't know anything else?..
Ended up, Mr Tan KK told me that they didn't need anyone there ><..
WTH?..
Now that I've reached home,
I start to worry about friendships and relationships..
I think i finally know why i fear friends going into romantic relationships now..
It's not just because of what i read..
That relationships at such an age won't last..
And that it'll be hard to resist the temptation of physical intimacy..
But i realised,
That when a friends gets into a relationship,
They drift away from me..
They just throw me aside?..
I get ignored..
I get scolded.. ><..
And just cause i care?..
I don't get it..
I know I'm don't have much qualities..
And i care too much..
But I've become who i am today because of who people are around me?..
Sigh..
This post is really emo..
I don't want it like this...
I'll edit it later when i feel better..
For now, Sorry for the saddening post...
My greatest fear is not being mocked,
Its not dying,
Its not being stabbed/shot,
Its not failing a major exam,
Its not feeling pain either...
My greatest fear,
Is loosing my friends..
And those i care about..
'Love' does not have to be romantic..
Does not have to mean giving up everything for that person
Does not mean to die for the other person..
But instead..
Love is a word..
What gives it its meaning is the person showing it..
And the person recieving it..
You define your own love..
And tell me if it's true..
Sorry..
Its a word once used repeatedly,
Loses its meaning..
But what else can a person say to signify the feeling of repentance..
The feeling of knowing you did something wrong..
Its a word that can't be replaced..
Confused...
