Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The 190th Day @ 6:47 PM
I thought at least you would understand me..
Was i wrong?
Do you understand?
Doesn't seem like you do..
I'll not looking for comfort my friend,
I'm looking for a chance and way to overcome my emotions..
Sacrificing your own happiness so that someone else is happy,
Sounds noble doesn't it?
Trust me when i say that it is excruciatingly painful to do..
Do you know how hard and painful it is,
To remind myself constantly not to fall in 'love'?
Cause the people involved will just end up hurting the other,
To comfort myself every time i get a bad response?
Saying things like 'Oh well, Maybe shes just busy..',
When i know that that's not how it is..
Telling myself that 'everything is okay!'
When things are defiantly not..
To always put myself down,
Beating myself up mentally when i feel as though i did something wrong..
Feeling pretty upset and guilty now...
My day wasn't really all that great..
Started the day with my irritatingly persistent sore throat,
It got so bad just now during mother tongue lesson,
That i felt as though i was choking on the flam..
Drank water till my throat was slightly sore and my stomach was bloated,
It did soothe the pain though..
However, the pain was only pacified for a short while,
After that it came back, Though not as bad as before..
Good thing is,
Flam is gone now..
Throat a lot better too..
Everything was fine in the morning..
Until recess..
Left history class 5 minutes early to go check on my AVA juniors setting up the hall.
Had to rush through my history test cause of that..
Reached the hall only to find that NOTHING was set up,
My juniors WEREN'T EVEN THERE ><..
So had to rush set up...
Got even more pissed though when my i saw my juniors,
Sitting in the front row in the hall,
Seeing that we have AVA duty,
But not stepping out to help?
They just sat in their class ><..
The last straw was when one of my team mates plugged in the audio cable,
Without the adapter,
Not saying that it won't work,
Just that it was not as safe,
And when i asked him about it later, He blamed the only junior that was on duty? ><
Flared up slightly at him..
Was VERY PISSED off at that point in time..
After packing up,
My AVA teacher walked with me,
He told me to watch my tone and try to be more understanding?
Of course he said it in a very gentle way..
But still, was quite miserable after that whole incident..
Went back to class,
Had Physics, Math than Mother tongue..
After which,
Went back to class..
Must not have realised how tired i was..
Slept for a brief period in class..
Got up when the auntie had to lock up the class..
Went to canteen..
Made a fool out of myself twice in less than 5 minutes..
Down in the dumps~..
Felt a lot better though,
When i was asked if i could go help out with the painting of the YOG banner..
I did,
And it was fun...
But i felt a little left out..
Most of them were from the CCA exco..
And i don't really know them all that well ><..
Went to 888 after that..
Stuff happened,
Got depressed..
Tried to mentally talk myself through it..
But i guess,
I've become very uncomfortable hearing vulgar language now..
So as soon as the vulgar language started..
With all my emotions waging war on each other inside me,
I left..
Now i sit in front of the computer..
So confused..
Screwed up heart eh?..
